1. Rather than being birthed like a normal
child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
Shortly after he grew a beard.
2. There is no theory of evolution, just
a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
3. Chuck Norris does
not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes
killing.
4. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
5. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
6. The chief
export of Chuck Norris is pain.
7. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too
bad he has never cried.
8. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance
to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
9. In an average living room there are 1,245 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.
10. If you can see Chuck
Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds
away from death.
11. There are no disabled people. Only people who have
met Chuck Norris.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness
Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris,
and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
14. When Chuck Norris jumps
into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
15. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
16. Outer space exists
because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
17.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life
there.
18. Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
19. If
you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more
money than you.
20. Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving
them the finger.
